Do you hold a grudge if someone doesn’t wish you on Facebook?

It was my husband’s birthday yesterday.

I didn’t wish him on Facebook. That was a shock to a few people.

‘√áhantal, why didn’t you wish Marcel on Facebook?”

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It seems a little odd to me to wish my husband, with whom I share a house with, and to whom I wished in person, to congratulate him on Facebook. (We were too busy enjoying time together on his birthday)

My husband has Facebook, but he doesn’t go on it often. He checks maybe twice a month his Facebook, if at all.

So, why would I wish him a Happy birthday on Facebook?

The answer I got to was this:
1) To show off my love for my husband to the world.
2) To wish ‘him’ but actually, show people on Facebook.
3) Perhaps, since we live far from our family it’s nice for friends and family to see us and keep up to date with our life on Facebook.

Fingers crossed it’s the latter.

For the past 3 years, I’ve felt the burden to wish my loved ones a happy birthday on Facebook, even though I wished them in real life or telephoned them. Have you felt like that?

This year, I decided to not wish anyone a happy birthday on Facebook. If I’m far away, expect a call, or a message, but not a Facebook post. If I’m present I’ll wish you in person.

On my birthday, it’s nice to receive Facebook posts, so I understand that want of a Facebook post, but I do appreciate a phone call/ TEXT more. (Since I’m far away from friends and family)

But I won’t feel offended if you don’t wish me on Facebook.

What has happened? We are now in a generation were people keep grudges if you don’t wish them on facebook. ”I don’t wish you, because you didn’t wish me” What’s the point of the wish then anyway?

The only reason most people remember your birthday is that Facebook reminds them.

The birthdays of the following people are engraved in my head :
My parents & Parents-in-law
Brother, sister
Two best friends Raeesa and Yentl
Some other friends and family
They receive a phone call or a visit on their birthday. because I truly appreciate them.

For our other family members, it’s marked down on our calendar.

Facebook is a reminder of people’s birthday’s I have no intention of remembering, and just wish them a ”Happy birthday” wall post (If on that day I’m on Facebook.)

If you happen to miss my birthday, it’s on 11 September, hard to forget since the twin towers and everything, but don’t worry I don’t hold a grudge! ūüôā

What’re your thoughts on birthday posts?

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Real life vs blogging life?

When you are a personal blogger, meaning your blog is about your life and experiences, you tend to write about your life. Makes sense, right?

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When people come to your blog, they can expect to read about your life, your travels, etc.

We get different people in this life, with different personalities and different cultures. I get that.

What I don’t get is people who tell me ‘I would not blog‘ ¬†Well it’s good that you don’t.

Oh, you should not have written about that.’

Well, maybe you should not read my blog? Maybe take the time you read my blog to read the Bible?’

I wanted a¬†personal blog as long as I can remember. I admired other people’s personal blogs for so long. ¬† 3years ago I started this blog. How it has grown and how I have traveled to different continents is beside me. The food, the people and the cultures.

I’m the one always telling people ‘If you expect the whole world to accept you, you will be a miserable personMeanwhile there I was subconsciously doing the same thing.

The question was not so much about me saying bad things or whatever¬†on my blog, but the way in which people would make me feel like I shared my whole life on my blog. ‘Oh, I just have to look on your blog to know what you are up to.’ Like it’s a dreadful thing.

For some reason that made me feel ways.

Not saying this in a bad way, but I got that from more the older generation than the younger.

I feel so bad when older generations say that ‘Ah this new generation does not have values.’ For one, I see what they mean. I’m 26 years old, and I feel certain¬†ways about the younger generation.

But yet, I was not born in the generation of my parents, I was born in 1990. ¬†I grew up when people got boob implants. Now it’s changed to butt implants. Instagram is ‘lit’ (yeah I wouldn’t say that social media is teaching me words) and reality is you can get paid for blogging. It’s actually a career.

Why do some of us humans have the need to share their life with the world? A question I’ve actually written a psychological paper on. Many answers I found was, loneliness, narcissistic,¬†low-self-esteem’ you can imagine further.

I took a close look at the content on my blog, it’s not that personal at all. It’s stuff that everyone knows already, like getting married and my traveling experiences.

Why does (some) older people have a problem with it? And on here, most of my blog friends are 50 years of age and upwards, and they do the same, that’s why I say some.

I’m not the person to post my dramas online, while other people are popping popcorn while watching.

But I’m that person who would write about sex, God and occasionally use vulgar words. Perhaps it makes people uncomfortable? ‘You are not the Chantal we think you ought to be.’

This brings up the question about unconditional love. I’m not expecting unconditional love from anyone, but once you proclaim it, I kinda hold you to it. (Not with much anticipation)

They say ‘Ah I love you unconditionally… as long as you do this and that.

There was one time I was actually sat down by relatives to discuss what I wrote about Bi-polar. ‘People will speak about it, Chantal. They will gossip.

Small town mentality. 

People like to see you fall but not see you raise. They allow you to do good, but not better than them. Your life is too good to be true, so you must be lying about something.

How you traveling so much? How do you make that much money when you are a photographer? Then you do photography, then you write books or sell stuff. What do you actually do? (Uhm, I’m trying to find my passions. Do you pay my bills, no? Well, then you don’t have any business here.)¬†Why don’t you practice psychology if you studied for it? Why this, why that? Something is fishy..’

I’m so fed up with this. I deactivated my Facebook. The people that I know in ‘real-life’ is so much more tiring than the people I meet online. It makes sense cause people you meet online are not as invested in you. Perhaps don’t care for you as much.

The funny thing is, though, the people that are invested in me I can count on three fingers and my cat is one. So go figure. Why give a F-word right?

Well, I have family. They are not ride-or-die, but I have them.

The reality is that perception is everything to people. As hard as I can argue against it, what you put online is how people see you.  I care for them, and would not want to disgrace them. But at what cost?

Most writers, Stephen King, Gillian Flynn, Charles¬†Bukowski, etc. says the same¬†thing:¬†You have to decide between being accepted in polite society or being the best writer you can be.’ My book ‘Short stories for the toilet and the airplane‘ has not come out yet, for fear of disgracing my family. But soon it will be¬†releashed.

¬†I don’t want to put up content where I’m only happy. Life is more realistic with a variety of emotions. ¬†

I’ve been happy for about one year straight, and I’ve not written about it.I don’t write much about happiness, I just feel it. Roll around in it, experience it.

But when I feel discouraged, I put my thoughts on paper. ¬†I share it with the world. Gosh, if you are new to my blog, you probably thinking I write utter private stuff. I really don’t. But I digress.

My point in writing this post is for myself. I’m coming back to blogging, in whatever way that is. I needed to write this post. I’m a writer by existence. I pour my emotions into words and pictures. That’s who I am. I accept it. My husband has always accepted it.

¬†Now the lurkers who know me in ‘real-life’ who never comment can read this post, and send the link via WhatsApp or private inboxes to everyone they know and I’ll watch my views on this post go from 1view to 1000 views in one night.

***

Sidenote: Anyone else blogging dealing with this?