Get to know me (Reintroduce myself in case you forgot)

Hello! I’m Chantal and I like things.

What kind of things? Beautiful things.

I think it started  with my first white dress, when I was born in a little town in South Africa.

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I discovered this world has a lot of beautiful things… that I can eat.

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And that wild curls are beautiful

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But I had to spread my wings and discovered what’s on the other side of the world. Are there beautiful things in Switzerland too?

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Turns out the most beautiful thing I ever saw was there…his name is Marcel.

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He asked me for a walk…down the aisle.

I said YES .. I love taking walks.

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Now we live in The Netherlands, in his home town. Taking a rest from all those walks 😉

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Now you know a little about me.

SO, why this blog? Let’s just say I never stopped liking beautiful things.

Here’s where I post all my wishlists, reviews,clothes etc! 🙂 Hope to see you around xx

 

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Things I lie about

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People often ask me ‘It must be nice traveling across the world so often.’ I see my friends get excited when I pack my bags, getting ready to climb the next flight. And I smile and say ‘Yeah, I’m so privileged. It’s very nice.’

Because traveling is supposed to be nice. Right? New cities, new faces, beaches, and faces?

I hate it. There I said it.

You will not believe where I am typing this blog post. No, not cuddled up in bed with my husband. I took 1hour drive to the airport, 14hours on the plane and one hour to a town= 16hours away from my husband. On the other side of the planet.

Again.

Yes, I know only three weeks ago, I went back to The Netherlands. And here I am on the next plane again. I’ve meant for this blog to feature more fashion and lifestyle but it has turned into a travel blog. Not on purpose.

The universe has a funny way of doing things. I’m the only one in my family that I know that really hates traveling, local or international, but I travel more than everyone.

I have anxiety about traveling, my life lately has been one big traumatic event and I’m smiling in all the pictures. There’s something disturbing about that.

If you are new to my blog, you might wonder if I have a job that requires me to travel. No, I don’t. Then why do I travel?

I use to travel for missionary work. I’ll almost never do that again. I’m still raw about it, but when I’ve gotten a hold on my emotions I’ll write a blog post about why after 4years I’m out of missionary for good.

Then I traveled for studies, like the writing school in Switzerland etc.

For holidays.

For love. My then boyfriend, which became my fiance and now my husband, is from The Netherlands. He’s a traveler himself. I was with him in Italy and we traveled a while. Now we settled in The Netherlands. (Where he’s from)

I’m often asked about my travels and I flat out lie because people expect it to be brilliant. I don’t want to be morbid about it. I’m an introvert and traveling is so excruciating for me.

So here’s things I lie about when asked about my travels. And no I’m not going to put out a disclaimer such as ‘I know I’m lucky to travel blah blah but I’m not ungrateful blah blah blah’

I’m super-ungrateful.

Let me take you on my journeys.

Applying for visa’s

I hate applying for visa’s (foreign countries) The documents you have to collect. Who made the world? The different governments of different countries who now requires us to enter space with a document.

Packing

I’ve come to a point where the only constant thing in my suitcase is my hair curler and clean underwear.

When my journey of traveling started in 2012 I use to do research on the country. What’s the weather like? What food do they eat? What type of shops do they have? Then pack accordingly. Now I just throw in a tank top, long sleeved sweater, jacket, and black leggings. A pair of boots and a pair of sandals. Everything black of course. Whatever I need I’ll get where I’m going or live without it.

I’ve learned there are many things one can live without, without dying, and live quite comfortably.

Arriving at the airplane.

There’s wisdom in arriving 3hours before the time for international flights. You never know how long you will wait in line to get searched or scanned. Like David Icke said ‘They either molested you or put rays in your body.’

Check-in- I check in online. Everything I can do online, I do it. Print boarding pass, print ticket etc. If I could fly online, I would.

Then

you go through security, you have to take out your electronic devices out of your bag, and put it in those baskets to be scanned. You have to take off your jacket, shoes, put makeup in those tiny small plastic bags, throw away any liquids. Even if you just bought your Coca-Cola or water.

Then

Passport control. Where you go again, just to wait in line and get a stamp.

Finally, look for your boarding gate. And wait until boarding time.

On the plane

When people ask me ‘How does it feel to fly on a plane?’ I say ‘It’s amazing’ but actually it’s it feels like sitting in a car that goes really fast, so fast that you forget that you are in the car and it’s moving. The times the wind pushes against the plane, is the only times I feel excited in the plane.

If you are an economic flyer, like me, I don’t mind the small seats and some days I don’t mind strangers but siting in a chair for 14hours straight. That’s the point that breaks me.

No, there I go, lying again.

The point that breaks me is CONNECTING FLIGHTS

I hate it.

The airport I hate the most for connection flights?

PARIS CHARLES DE GAULLE AIRPORT. I’m not even going to type anything because I might throw this laptop throw the window thinking about it.

The plane lands. You have to unbuckle your seat belt. Wait for your turn to get out. Get out. Go through passport control again, figure out where to find your luggage. And sometimes they lose it. Like Mine now at this moment. They’ve lost it. But I’m getting it back tomorrow.

But then…

You walk through the door.You see your husband’s eyes tear up. You are home. Everything was worth it.

I’ll do it all over again. One anxiety attack at a time.

It’s in the little things

Sometimes when you are looking forward to something it’s easier to only focus on that future moment that the present loose its value.

In my case, I’m looking forward to seeing my husband. And with this ‘holiday’ here, all I can think about is when it’s over so that I can go back to my husband.

I’m guilty of sometimes sleeping the whole day and the entire night just to pass by time.

And when I wake up there’s still so many days left.

Tonight I got into bed and it’s very warm here. I put on the fan and a cool breeze drifted over my body. It felt heavenly. I marinated in that feeling.

Then my cat Thomas jumped on the bed and joined me under the cool breeze. He fell asleep purr purring. I felt less alone ❤

My body became really relaxed and it felt good breathing. Weird but true. Deep breaths.

Between breathing and enjoying the moment, I realised this moment is all I have. A day is made up of little moments.

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Twenties life lessons

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 I’ve been staying in a B&B (Bed and breakfast) for over a month now in South Africa. As you know, I’m awaiting my mvv to go back to The Netherlands.
 I miss my husband terribly, but what’s to do right? What’s one month or 2 months without each other compared to our lifetime ahead? (When I receive my mvv)
 The place that I’m staying is comfortable, and so I like it. The lady is very affectionate and all the pleasant words you can imagine. She’s become some distant mother to me, just how I like my people-distant but there.
The place that I’m staying is comfortable, and so I like it. The lady is very affectionate and all the pleasant words you can imagine. She’s become some distant mother to me, just how I like my people-distant but there.
 So today I went out to town, and when I came back, she told me she went inside my room to close the windows because the wind is impregnable.
 A horror came over me.
 My room is a mess. And what I mean by a mess it’s something like a tornado, and Lady Gaga had a baby.
 I look on one of the beds; I left my lace skirt that I wore yesterday on top of the pile of blankets. I think I see the cord of my headphones in there somewhere.
 On the other side of the room, I see an empty plate, my camera, and deodorant all in one place. Sigh.
 How embarrassing.
 I said to myself  ‘oh, well.’
 I poured me some Aloe vera juice and got into my bed.
But what’s this feeling inside me?
 Some burning sadness?
 But why?
 Ah, I see. My room is decent every day and today out of all the days she had to see the chamber.
 I’m a Virgo, and we tend to associate our work or living space with our being. Which is ridiculous.
 I’m literally sad because the impression of my room gave a negative impression of me as a human being.
 Why do I have such a big objection to that? Why can’t I just be a ‘piece of ish?’ I think it’s the way I grew up and the expectations that were set and sometimes met with disappointment.
 Also,
 After internal searching, I believe that it causes in today’s world we hide things with filters and only post the best part of ourselves on social media. So when people see the other part of you- the less perfect if I may, then it leaves us feeling some way.
 It reminds me of say whenever you go out; you look quite decent. You comb your hair, brush your teeth, etc. Now you are acceptable by social standards.But what if one day, someone comes to visit unexpectedly. Say for instance a crush of yours and sees you; bad breath, dirty clothes, one shock has a whole in it, etc.
 No Instagram filters.
 I’ll leave you with that visual.
 Today reminds me of this quote ‘Many of us will spend our entire lives trying to slog through the shame swampland to get to a place where we can give us permission to both be imperfect and to believe we are enough.’ -Brene Brown
 I give myself permission to be imperfect in much more ways than my stupid room.
 I swear my mid-twenties is for learning to accept I’m not an Instagram version of myself. 😉

Plastic surgery, Photoshop or makeup?

My friend asked me ‘Gun to my head, what would I choose? Plastic surgery or being photoshopped?

I had to put my drink down for that. Quite intriguing

I told her ‘I’ll pull my gun out too.’

‘No man Chantal, just play along.’

‘Oraaait, oraait.’

Lemme see. If I did plastic surgery, what would I get? More lips, bigger boobs? Nah. Not convincing enough. Maybe body sculpting?

‘What’s that’ she asked.

‘ I think it’s what it says. The surgeon sculpts your body to what you want.’

‘Woah, you went from not wanting to do anything to doing your whole body, that escalated quickly.’

She was laughing, and I thought to myself ‘My gosh she is a beautiful creature. With that freckles, the lil afro and those piercing eyes.’

‘What would you get if you had plastic surgery? I ask her.

She said ‘I’ll get my nose done and my teeth. Oh and also my arms.’

I nodded then said;

‘Wait, I’ll get my hair done. Does that count? Like putting in hair in my head, but like it’s from the root. Not like extensions where it comes out again.

‘It’s called hair transplant. They normally do it for men that are going bald. How long would you get it? She said

‘The length that my hair is now’I said

Then why get the hair transplant at all? She asked me.

Well, I didn’t ask you why you want to get plastic surgery on your arms.

We both laughed.

Okay, now if I had to choose Photoshop. What will I want to be photoshopped?

Well, on my body in a bikini. Bang pow pow!

Angela just touched her hair. You cannot do your whole body. We need to put a budget to this game. From now on the photoshop gods gives us 1000euros and you can change two things in photoshop.

‘I’ll make my boobs a bit smaller. Wait no, I want to do that with the plastic surgeon. Cause that will last right and Photoshop is just on a picture?

Why would you make your boobs smaller? She asked.

Well, when you look at my boobs it can cause some envy like ‘wow, look at those.’ But the reality is, back pain, boob sweat extreme, having to choose what outfit your wear carefully because small boobed women can wear a tank top and look fine but let me put it on then it looks overly sexualized.

‘It’s no big deal’ my friend said.

‘Nah trust me. If you are in my shoes, you’ll understand. I’m not saying I’ll make my DD go to A but maybe a C?

The conversation went on in another direction of how women are being a portraited in the media, and we never finished the gun to my head game.

But that conversation stayed with me.

If in actual fact I can have all the surgery I want, would I get it? I think perhaps not right now. Cause right now I’m happy and fine. I’ve done a lot of inner work and loving myself things for 2years. I accept myself.

But in the future? Who knows? Like when I have children and after that? Perhaps have that vagina surgery? That tightens? Or if I get droopy boobs, perhaps lift it a little bit up?

I have no problem with anyone doing any surgery. Let people have things. Let them be happy. It’s their money. Their confidence.

But for me, it’s a no at this time. Speak to me in 6year and maybe I’ll have a different answer.

The closet thing to plastic surgery I have no is makeup.  So I went and glowed myself up. 😉

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Sidenote: Gun to your head, what would you change?

Child in an adult body

I think my heightened awareness of death is caused by the fact that growing up in South Africa, in my small town people are dying left to right.

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It’s the drug abuse that causes the violence. If you hear that your friend passed away, it doesn’t leave that big of a shock anymore because previously your aunt or cousin died.

Perhaps it’s the same everywhere else, as we humans have more in common than our skin color, continents, and economic status.

Dealing with so much death, I’m always aware that people don’t live forever. I don’t live forever. A split second can be the difference between death and life.

So whenever I’m in a quarrel with someone, I try to forgive immediately and mend broken relationships.

This morning I was thinking about it.

Sometimes there are just that people in your life that are poisonous. Whenever they are there, something bad happens. They have not mastered their emotions to the point of being a sensible human being. So their emotions take over and result in dark things.

This person would gossip about you or portray you in the worst way. Why worry about that right? Let people believe what they want to. If things were that easy.

Typically, people believe them cause it’s your parent or some superior figure.

What is ‘superior’ then, if age is the only thing that makes a person superior? Should it not be a person’s emotional intelligence that makes them ‘superior’ if the word superior has to be used. But I digress.

This type of person will abuse you with words, emotions or sometimes physically.

Terms such as ‘I wish you were never born,’ ‘You have a mental illness, you are crazy’ etc. will come out of their mouths daily.

Say for instance this person is a mother. Babies/ children often look up to their mother or guardian for protection and to build their self-esteem. Now, what if that person is the one causing the damage. And bad mouthing their kids to the neighbors, family, friends, world? Why would a guardian even do that?

Too many of our children in this world grow up like that. Verbal abuse it is not seen as such a big crime as opposed to being physically abused. Even though the mental consciousness endures much longer. Not saying physically abused children are better off. Ill-treatment in any form is evil.

Such children grow up into hurtful adults. So many broken children are living in grown up bodies, mimicking adult lives.

If in their adult lives, the abuser is still part of their lives, this will persists on happening. After a traumatic event, the abuser will the next day act if nothing was wrong and insists on being forgiven.

If only that would be the end of it, but no, whenever they feel bad again, which is often they’ll end up saying worse things than before.

It would be easy to say, ‘Ah, just cut them out of your life’ if you are not dealing with these type of people.

If it’s friends, sure thing. You are cut out of my life in an instant. There are too many peaceful people to go around then to have horrible friends. But what if this person is a parent, sibling or close relative?

I’ll be the first one to say that it hurts. Because growing up, you have this picture in your mind of how it is supposed to be. That thought screws you up the most.

But I think my advice will be… or no wait. Let me rephrase. I think in my experience I’ve learned that these people don’t change. And even if you know that there must be some good in them (no one is just downright evil. most people are only 50% evil) it’s not up to you to stick around for whenever that good is going to come out.

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Death is a reality. But if the fear of someone dying keeps you from your peace, it’s not worth it. Make peace with if they die and you had not the relationship that you hoped for.  You have done your best.

You are worth a peaceful life with people who loves you. And if that fails and you are completely alone; it puts you in the perfect position to learn to love yourself. Be alone with yourself and discover the company that you keep in the empty moments.