I have taught many men have loved me. But as I lay here tonight, I realized that is not the case. I’ve not been loved until my husband came along.
These are things I’ve realized about my previous relationships.
Being loved is not ‘liking’ my pictures. It’s not making my face your profile picture. And I have to be so proud because it means you are not cheating. It’s not tagging me in all the pictures and saying ‘she’s mine‘.
Love is not possessive. Unsure. Or social media.
It’s finding genuine beauty in my soul and appearance when I’m down and out. When the blow dry has been out for days. When I need a hot-water bottle for my stomach at 3am. When you know I take 2 sugars in my coffee but I don’t really drink coffee. I change my mind and you change what we have in the fridge. ‘No coffee today, no tea today, so maybe I should get juice’ he says and smiles.
But I also love him. And that gives me the opportunity to bend myself around him. Bend my ways, in love. With bending comes breaking. Like breaking my bad habits. I want to say it’s difficult because everyone says it is, but it’s so easy. Destroying my bad habits became so easy.
It becomes easy when you know that not only you, but another being also, is doing their best to build a great present and future. Building a respectful, loyal loving space to live.
Now here comes the part where people say (and have said: ‘Oh just wait for the bad times and we’ll speak again.’
I don’t wait for bad times, because if you wait for something it will come. And we have had a fair share of ‘bad times’. But even in those moments I realize this is the man I love and he is alive, with me. Breathing. Whatever pisses me the fuck off right now, is not worth it.
So we ‘fight’ (Relatively short because I’m a Virgo. I’m a problem solver )We sit in silence. After a while he suggest or I suggest getting a glass of wine or juice or water. We think. And focus on what’s important. What’s the problem, what can we do about it?, what can’t we do about it? Somewhere in there I get snacks and he gets a notepad for our plans of action.
And you move on to the next day and the next and the next.
No, we don’t have all our shit together, but love is a beautiful thing to witness.