Twenties life lessons

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 I’ve been staying in a B&B (Bed and breakfast) for over a month now in South Africa. As you know, I’m awaiting my mvv to go back to The Netherlands.
 I miss my husband terribly, but what’s to do right? What’s one month or 2 months without each other compared to our lifetime ahead? (When I receive my mvv)
 The place that I’m staying is comfortable, and so I like it. The lady is very affectionate and all the pleasant words you can imagine. She’s become some distant mother to me, just how I like my people-distant but there.
The place that I’m staying is comfortable, and so I like it. The lady is very affectionate and all the pleasant words you can imagine. She’s become some distant mother to me, just how I like my people-distant but there.
 So today I went out to town, and when I came back, she told me she went inside my room to close the windows because the wind is impregnable.
 A horror came over me.
 My room is a mess. And what I mean by a mess it’s something like a tornado, and Lady Gaga had a baby.
 I look on one of the beds; I left my lace skirt that I wore yesterday on top of the pile of blankets. I think I see the cord of my headphones in there somewhere.
 On the other side of the room, I see an empty plate, my camera, and deodorant all in one place. Sigh.
 How embarrassing.
 I said to myself  ‘oh, well.’
 I poured me some Aloe vera juice and got into my bed.
But what’s this feeling inside me?
 Some burning sadness?
 But why?
 Ah, I see. My room is decent every day and today out of all the days she had to see the chamber.
 I’m a Virgo, and we tend to associate our work or living space with our being. Which is ridiculous.
 I’m literally sad because the impression of my room gave a negative impression of me as a human being.
 Why do I have such a big objection to that? Why can’t I just be a ‘piece of ish?’ I think it’s the way I grew up and the expectations that were set and sometimes met with disappointment.
 Also,
 After internal searching, I believe that it causes in today’s world we hide things with filters and only post the best part of ourselves on social media. So when people see the other part of you- the less perfect if I may, then it leaves us feeling some way.
 It reminds me of say whenever you go out; you look quite decent. You comb your hair, brush your teeth, etc. Now you are acceptable by social standards.But what if one day, someone comes to visit unexpectedly. Say for instance a crush of yours and sees you; bad breath, dirty clothes, one shock has a whole in it, etc.
 No Instagram filters.
 I’ll leave you with that visual.
 Today reminds me of this quote ‘Many of us will spend our entire lives trying to slog through the shame swampland to get to a place where we can give us permission to both be imperfect and to believe we are enough.’ -Brene Brown
 I give myself permission to be imperfect in much more ways than my stupid room.
 I swear my mid-twenties is for learning to accept I’m not an Instagram version of myself. 😉
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