Child in an adult body

I think my heightened awareness of death is caused by the fact that growing up in South Africa, in my small town people are dying left to right.

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It’s the drug abuse that causes the violence. If you hear that your friend passed away, it doesn’t leave that big of a shock anymore because previously your aunt or cousin died.

Perhaps it’s the same everywhere else, as we humans have more in common than our skin color, continents, and economic status.

Dealing with so much death, I’m always aware that people don’t live forever. I don’t live forever. A split second can be the difference between death and life.

So whenever I’m in a quarrel with someone, I try to forgive immediately and mend broken relationships.

This morning I was thinking about it.

Sometimes there are just that people in your life that are poisonous. Whenever they are there, something bad happens. They have not mastered their emotions to the point of being a sensible human being. So their emotions take over and result in dark things.

This person would gossip about you or portray you in the worst way. Why worry about that right? Let people believe what they want to. If things were that easy.

Typically, people believe them cause it’s your parent or some superior figure.

What is ‘superior’ then, if age is the only thing that makes a person superior? Should it not be a person’s emotional intelligence that makes them ‘superior’ if the word superior has to be used. But I digress.

This type of person will abuse you with words, emotions or sometimes physically.

Terms such as ‘I wish you were never born,’ ‘You have a mental illness, you are crazy’ etc. will come out of their mouths daily.

Say for instance this person is a mother. Babies/ children often look up to their mother or guardian for protection and to build their self-esteem. Now, what if that person is the one causing the damage. And bad mouthing their kids to the neighbors, family, friends, world? Why would a guardian even do that?

Too many of our children in this world grow up like that. Verbal abuse it is not seen as such a big crime as opposed to being physically abused. Even though the mental consciousness endures much longer. Not saying physically abused children are better off. Ill-treatment in any form is evil.

Such children grow up into hurtful adults. So many broken children are living in grown up bodies, mimicking adult lives.

If in their adult lives, the abuser is still part of their lives, this will persists on happening. After a traumatic event, the abuser will the next day act if nothing was wrong and insists on being forgiven.

If only that would be the end of it, but no, whenever they feel bad again, which is often they’ll end up saying worse things than before.

It would be easy to say, ‘Ah, just cut them out of your life’ if you are not dealing with these type of people.

If it’s friends, sure thing. You are cut out of my life in an instant. There are too many peaceful people to go around then to have horrible friends. But what if this person is a parent, sibling or close relative?

I’ll be the first one to say that it hurts. Because growing up, you have this picture in your mind of how it is supposed to be. That thought screws you up the most.

But I think my advice will be… or no wait. Let me rephrase. I think in my experience I’ve learned that these people don’t change. And even if you know that there must be some good in them (no one is just downright evil. most people are only 50% evil) it’s not up to you to stick around for whenever that good is going to come out.

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Death is a reality. But if the fear of someone dying keeps you from your peace, it’s not worth it. Make peace with if they die and you had not the relationship that you hoped for.  You have done your best.

You are worth a peaceful life with people who loves you. And if that fails and you are completely alone; it puts you in the perfect position to learn to love yourself. Be alone with yourself and discover the company that you keep in the empty moments.

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