Self love & depression

When I think about loving  and accepting myself I think about vanity. Like ‘Okay, I love my body, I love my face, I love my hair’ or whatever I might not be liking and then conditioning myself to like that particular part.


With a world full of Photoshop and filters, self love has become even more sought after. And it makes sense. You see all of these images of unattainable beauty and you feel inadequate about your own.

There’s a quote that says ‘The presence of another human’s beauty is not the absence of your own.’ (…Or something like that)

I like it, but do we as a society truly believe it?

Today’s post is not about outer acceptance, even though that is also important. I’ve made the journey to accepting most of myself and I’m quite comfortable. Here and there I still struggle with my body, but it gets better.

However, I had this thought that loving myself is much more than standing in front of a mirror, trying to find myself in the face that stares back at me.

The idea of loving yourself has been very dear to me. And so today’s blog post is inspired by Court‘s video. You can check it out here.

In the video she mentions 5 signs that you don’t love yourself. I was stuck on nr3.

Basically she explains how loving yourself is also eating well, drinking enough water and sleeping.

And then I knew I had to write this post, to get it of my chest and to share with you. Because that’s what I do best.

I’ll be speaking more on the side of depression as I’m a person with bipolar and depression is no stranger to me. I hope this helps someone.

Here we go!

I’ve come to understand that loving yourself is taking care of hygiene.

This is something not everyone speaks about, but if you’d ever had depression, then you know hygiene is one of the first things to go.

Take a shower everyday and if not everyday, then every day. it’s difficult I know. Some people reading this might even think ‘Eew disgusting!’ But I’m not writing this for those people. I’m writing this for you. I know what it feels like.

But also I know what warm water over my body feels like. It’s like a hug from nature to you. Massage your neck with the water. wash your hair. massage your scalp. Put clean clothes on. Change your bedding.

Loving yourself is also eating well…Or sometimes just eating. Even if it’s Mc Donalds, at least getting that food in your mouth and giving your stomach cardboard to chew on mimics the feeling of being fed. Not the healthiest choice, but hey.

But to actually love yourself, feeding your body the proper food it needs will make you feel better. But you know that already. People with depression know that probably better than most people. The problem however is to get out of bed, go to the stores and get the food. Then come home and cook it. Day after day, breakfast, snacks, dinner etc. Sometimes you don’t have money for healthy food or the stove don’t work or your life don’t work or you don’t work.

And so fast food seems like an option. I know the feeling. But try. And tomorrow is another day.

Loving yourself is drinking enough water. Enough said.

Loving yourself is exercising. Such an easy sentence to write, so difficult to do when one is depressed. Here I am trying to loose the Mc Donald’s pounds I’ve been gaining. It was raining and my Marcel and myself was in bed, nicely tucked away. But I got out of bed and died a thousand times while running. This is the part where I say that it made me feel better. It really didn’t. Running makes me feel awful. But knowing that I ran makes me feel good. And after a while, I feel the health benefits.


I think as primitive humans we didn’t have cars, we had donkeys etc. We moved around more. Now we have all the luxury as a necessity of some sort. That’s what causes the problems. Back then people worked on farms, walked for miles and was more active then the average person today. They had fresh food, real food. Period.

But they also died of things we today can easily avoid because of the advanced medical field . (However, I think sometimes it would be wise to use more herbs etc in our medication, but that’s just me)

And finally, loving yourself is mediating. Or becoming still. It gives your mind the chance to reset and disconnect with the world. Which is necessary , the world is overwhelming at times.

Facebook, IG, twitter, snapchat etc is great, but leaving it for one hour or even 15min to focus on yourself is needed. You won’t miss much anyway. You can always go back and everything will still be on social media. Like this blog post, like your aunt who posted a picture of her new baby, like that cute boy who sent you an inbox.

First love yourself, take care of your mind then go back into the world and little by little sunshine will appear.

It’s the little things in life that makes big differences.







Well, you have to have interested in fashion of course. I was thinking perhaps an ootd? Summer or winter. (Depending on your country)

I’m feeling a bit spicy, like blowing up my creativeness.

SO, if you are up for it email me:

PS: This is for blogpost or youtube 🙂


My 2am burrito and thoughts.

It’s 2am and I’m sitting here eating a cold tikka chicken burrito. Actually I’m gonna have my second one now.


I tried sleeping but my mind is full of wonderful ideas. One part of myself knows if I mediate I’ll fall asleep peacefully, but the other parts of me are like ‘eat another burrito and put some cheese sauce on top’

So, here I am typing. You know which part of myself I decided to listen too.

But I’m also listening to the night. It’s quiet, dark and lovely.  Far away I hear one guy cough outside. It must be the guy that goes out for his night time smoke break. HIs wife don’t let him smoke in the house.

*Just a minute, I’m getting that second burrito.*


As I was saying, basically I’m reflecting on my day and it’s been great. I’m tryna find an adjective less basic then ‘great’, but sometimes the basic things makes life lovely.

Like this burrito. I can feel the avocado melt in my mouth. Perfect with the tikka masalah chicken.

Like the sound of the wind picking leaves from the trees. (Tomorrow we’ll have to sweep up the leaves)

Like the smell of Marcel’s aftershave. (My husband is peacefully sleeping in bed)

Like the touch of the couch against my back (It’s really soft)

Like the orange and green flowers I see on the table (They are from Oma Van hengel)

Like the taste of water in my mouth. (It washes the burrito down)

Like my dead grandma sitting on the chair opposite me smiling.

Like this moment where everything is one and the world is a beautiful place.

Ps: Marcel loves chocolate, so I decided to make him a chocolate cake. So easy, I like how the top filling of chocolate came out. Click for the video.

Pss: Of course the girl in the picture is not me. That’s my mood right now. Source




Am I ready for hosting my 1st party as a wife?

I only slept two hours. I couldn’t fall asleep last night and was up the entire night trying to sleep. I fell asleep at 7 am and woke up around 9am.

It was a pretty chilled day considering that tomorrow is my husband’s birthday party. This will be my first birthday party that I host as a wife.

I should be nervous, but I’m not. I love cooking. I love being in the kitchen. I can stand for hours throwing magic poisons in food. And I don’t taste it of course, the husband gives the approval. It’s always been a big smile with a big yes. (He loves food, who doesn’t?)

So while cooking up a storm today in the kitchen, preparing for tomorrow.  We got hungry and I decided to quickly make a subway inspired sandwich. Turned out pretty yummy.


I thought I’d share it with you! 🙂


Beyonce or Shakira?

After eating a subway with the husband, watching a documentary on aliens and space, falling asleep , I thought my day was pretty amazing.

Until I woke up from the nap.

I smiled, kissed Marcel and he had this BIG smile on his face. He was like ‘look what came in the mail’.

I was still sleepy, open the packaged and at first I didn’t get it. Was I looking at a cat’s fur, is there a cat in this box??  😀

He said open it up and take it out of the box.

Holy Moly it was this hair!!! He surprised me!!


Okay, I actually first had to breathe in and out before typing this blog post because my head was just everywhere.

I LOVE THIS HAIR!! (did I say that out loud? oops!)

Let me just go straight to the point. This hair is my favorite so far.


And of course I had to take a bazillion more pictures, because I mean, look at it.



So, you probably think this is great and all but how can I get this hair and what’s the financial damage?

13euro!! Here’s the link.

This is not sponsored btw!

if you want to know any more details, check out my video on the hair. (Btw thanks to everyone that viewed my videos. I’ve uploaded for 7days straight and each  videos got over 2,000 views!  Which is 14,000 for the week. It makes me happy so thank you)


Relax the mind, wash the hair ;)

Hey lovers!

Today was one of those chilled days, where I lavished in each moment.

Sometimes to clear my mind, I need to wash my hair . Washing my hair helps clearing my mind, weird? or does anyone else have that?

Anyway, after a wonderful shower, where the water massaged my head, I decided to film my hair look for today. I themed the song with how I’m feeling, which was very relaxed.

I hope you like it 🙂